Although we have a satisfying sex life, and I love my husband very much, I find it difficult to be naked around him. I actually prefer to have sex in the DARK!
I have not always been like this. I have had two children. I gained some weight during my pregnancies. This had made me very self-conscious.
I know that our sex life would be fantastic if I could just let go, but I’m afraid.
What can I do?
Learn to love yourself!
You need to love yourself, even if you are too fat or too thin and regardless of whatever situation or condition you may find yourself in. Remember it is the INNER BEAUTY that really counts!
People change – that is the natural course of life. Change is what life is all about. It’s how we respond to these changes that bring us happiness or unhappiness. If we want to hold on to what was, thinking that only then it was perfect and right, we suffer.
Remember we are getting older everyday. As time goes by, we are going to age. It is inevitable. We all can’t sit around and be miserable because we are getting older. We would then have a whole bunch of gloomy people staring at their pictures when they were young and hoping they could go back.
That is called attachment, and it means being stuck in the past, unable to enjoy the present moment. Only by living in the present moment, and greeting that present moment with love and acceptance, not judgment, do we find peace and joy.
It’s the same with you and your weight issue. You must accept your body the way it is now.
Having a baby (in your case two) changes your body.
Look at what you have gained – two beautiful children. Would you return them for a much thinner you? I don’t think so! You are now a mother and the nature of life is then that your body has to change to accommodate that.
When you allow life to flow in its natural way, and you don’t try to freeze an image of what you think it’s “supposed” to be, then you can look at what IS and see the perfection and beauty of that moment.
Can you look at yourself that way, and see your own perfection and beauty in this, or any other moment? If you can do that for yourself, then its bound to work for everything else in your life as well.
Surely you must have an amazing character and personality (that’s definitely one of the main reasons, your husband fell in love with you). You may have beautiful hair, nails and skin or stunning eyes and lips. Focus on emphasizing your strong points. But always remember, BEAUTY AND LOOKS ARE ONLY SKINDEEP! Its what’s on the inside that REALLY counts!
The following exercise is superb and it has worked for many. One of the most powerful activities for individuals or couples with body-image issues is the mirror exercise. Find the courage to do this alone or preferably as a shared ritual with your hubby.
Stand naked in front of a full-length mirror.
Beginning at the top of your body, slowly speak to the mirror, stating what you see and how you feel about it. For example: “I see my hair. I love my hair; it makes me feel womanly. I see my deep blue eyes, and I feel sad when I look into them”. This can evoke deep emotions, a healing benefit of this process.
If working with your spouse, have him then take a turn speaking about his body.
While one is talking to their image in the mirror, the other watches.
Continue this exercise until you’ve reached your toes.
Then you and your mate could share with each other how you each felt during the exercise and what insights about yourselves and each other you’ve both gained
Very often couples have a breakthrough about what has been holding them back in their sexual relationships.
Also, a good read is Naomi Wolf’s, The Beauty Myth. It speaks in the cultural context, in which American women live, which contributes to those feelings of discomfort that you feel about your physical imperfections.
Remember, INNER BEAUTY comes first. So let your hair down and enjoy life!