I have the feeling my husband wants me to initiate sex, but for some reason I have trouble with that, even though I truly enjoy sex. I’m affectionate with him and am very attracted to him, so it isn’t that.
But when it comes to seducing him, I feel silly, shy or somehow like a fraud maybe even “cheap”.
What can I do to overcome this?
Often women have been taught that it is not their place to be the initiator. It’s always been the norm for a man to make the first move. Our society teaches that girls need to wait for the man to ask, that women who are pushy in bed are not usually the ones who get to walk down the aisle.
You need to free yourself from these old beliefs and you will find that it will be easier to express who you really are – whether that is sexually, or in any other creative area of your life. Then you can say: “This is what I want to do! I choose to really feel this feeling, or have this experience! It’s mine, and by God, I’m going to enjoy and express MYSELF.”
Then, if initiating sex is fun, and you want to express yourself in that way, you will.
I also sense that you are not sure what your partner really wants.
So ask him. Find out how he would like you to be about initiating sex.
Perhaps you can develop a special “sign” that indicates your interest, or use private emails, love notes or secret hand signals. That way you don’t have to feel as if you are reciting lines from a bad porno flick to be the sexual person you want to be.
He could also show you what he wants you to do.
Remember that one of the wonders of being married is that you can do whatever you want with your husband without feeling bad about it!