If you’re a man, whether a self-proclaimed “nice guy” or a self-appointed “bastard” you probably caught yourself nodding your head in agreement when you read the above headline.
Heck, as a man I know I did once. I have to admit I was a “non-bastard”. A “down-to-earth, always respectful of women, always gave in to make any woman happy – nice friggin’ guy”, who had absolutely zero power in my relationships and with women.
Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Karuri Muthaka (no, I’m not the famous chief) and I was lucky enough to go to college at a young age. My teenage years were rough – all my male friends were getting girls, so the pressure got to me. And I had to ditch my video games and find girls too. Worst days of my life.
I’ll be the first to admit that being a Nice Guy never got me anywhere… Well, I can’t say that that’s entirely true: I did get used a lot. BUT I will say that it was apparent the “bastards” always, always got luckier with the women than I did. I got their rejects, their not-so-left-overs.
For a long time, I thought I was the problem. And everything felt like a cruel joke. I thought I was singled out as being a “nice guy freak of nature”. I thought all the “non-bastards” were getting lucky except me. I mean come on! EVERYONE said you needed to be a romantic “nice guy” to have success with women! Turns out the whole “nice guy” thing was malarkey. Pure & simple crap. Probably put together a long time ago by a group of mothers living out their “evil plan” to keep their sons from dating girls that didn’t meet their high standards!
But not only did it keep their sons from dating “bad girls”, it kept them from having any fun, and from forming relationships with terrific women that lasted longer than one night!
Sadly, I was one of the idiots that bought into the “nice guy” story – hook, line & sinker. And with it, my sex life and love life were both doomed to utter failure (or just about).
And – like I said before – I thought I was alone in the world… the only “non-bastard” that wasn’t getting any. The only “non-bastard who kept getting cheated on, used, and dumped – over and over again.
Eventually, I managed to “bastard” my way into a successful relationship and get married to a wonderful woman – well, not yet married, but almost there. But I’ve never forgotten all the fun I missed out on when I was single because I was a wretched “nice guy”.
In later years, much to my own satisfaction, I at least had the pleasure of talking to other guys that experienced the same thing during their single periods of life. The guys who played the “nice card” with virtually every woman and got “shut out”, cheated on, or dumped far more often than the “bad boys”… Ah yes, “Bad boys” – that was our nickname for them. “Bad boys”, “Bastards”, “Jerks”… in our definition, they’re all the same.
You see being a “bastard” in my context isn’t about becoming a woman-beater or abusing women with words or emotions, and definitely not about becoming more aggressive as most ‘nice guy’ book authors erroneously claim it is… It’s more about following one simple little rule – Being a Man
Here’s my not-so-biased opinion on why women will choose “bastards” over you, the “nice guy”
Being clingy is not as cute as they taught you in the movies. It is true that women want you to make time for them, but they also don’t need you to be always around. You obviously have things to do too, and it’s okay to be selfish and choose yourself sometimes. Saying yes to all her demands doesn’t make her more attracted to you. If anything, it makes you look weak.
You’re always judging the “Bastards”
They may be jerks, but it’s not your place to judge them. And let’s face it. The only reason you sneer at the bad boys is because you wish you could be more like them and less like you. Deep down, you wish you could command women like they do. But you don’t have to feel sorry for yourself. Embrace your “nice guy” persona, and be comfortable with it.
So how do you avoid the rejection and manipulation while still being yourself? Easy. Just learn to work on yourself. Get a job. Keep in good shape. Surround yourself with people who share your personal interests. Your life will naturally start to brighten up, and that glow is what will attract the right woman for you. She is probably just a smile away