Okay, so let me overwhelm you with some facts. 10% of people check their smartphones during sex, and 35% immediately afterward. It’s been said before that if you never want to have sex again, get married. Sex is one of the most contentious issues in marriage today second only to finances. There are many married couples who have not had sex for months or even years, and that’s okay as long as they’re okay with it and happily married
The problem arises when one person in the relationship wants sex and the other doesn’t. According to a national newspaper survey of approximately ten thousand respondents (mostly married men), 75% were satisfied in their relationship but more than 50 percent were dissatisfied with their sex lives. We’re having sex, don’t get me wrong… We’re just having sex at the wrong time and with the wrong people. I’ll get to that later
We’re having sex before we get married ten years on average. So we are effectively in a long-term relationship and potentially quite sexually bored before we even mess up the marital bed. And that has its consequences. Most brides today do not have sex on their wedding nights and 50% of men would not have married their spouse had they known their marriage was going to be sexless
So everybody wants to know just how much sex married people have, whether they are in heterosexual relationships or same-sex unions. Everybody wants to know what’s going on at the Joneses. Well, not much.
Only about 7% of married couples set the sheets ablaze. Most married couples have sex a little bit more than once a week for the first decade of their marriage. And it decreases dramatically after that. So why aren’t we having sex in our marriages?
Well, I could go for the scientific reason, but I’m sure you’re not interested in all that medical jargon. So let me weigh in on the next main reason – Sex education. When I was a teenager, my mother came into my bedroom one night and said, “Maureen, please tell me you have not allowed a boy to French kiss you.” She was feeling terrible that this sex education came a bit late and as an Irish Catholic girl, I was feeling extremely guilty that I had French kissed a number of boys by then
We teach girls and women that sex is dirty, and that sex is bad or it’s overrated. We instill these speculated fears about STDs and pregnancy, and while they’re all well-grounded, they sometimes scare women from enjoying sex. And we never talk about pleasure and orgasm with girls and women. In fact, some women say orgasm is not important and that the journey is just as good as the destination
I like to think of this as getting on a train with your lover, and you are going to the most pleasurable place on the planet, you are so excited, you’re getting lubed up with all the free drinks they’re giving you, this is amazing… and just before you reach your destination, he gets off and you
Now, the sex education we have for boys and men is entirely different. It’s a global program, it’s free, it’s accessible to everybody, and it’s known as Internet pornography. But it does nothing to teach men and boys about intimacy, which is really important, especially in a marriage setting.
Marriage can rapidly go from holy matrimony to holy hell with the finances, the kids, the house mortgage, the illness… I mean you may have signed up for sickness and health, but that was long before you’d ever witnessed a man cold.
Most women today are working inside and outside of the home. They’re doing the lion’s share of the housework because according to research, men don’t feel they’re that good at it. And we’re bridging the gap between growing children and aging parents.
Today, we are connected to the internet and disconnected from our would-be lovers. Maybe this is the reason why the most common sex position for married couples is doggy style… No no, it’s not what you’re thinking, get your minds out of the gutter. This is the one where he’s on all fours and begs and she plays dead
Most men complain that women never initiate sex. The reason for this is because of, once again, the sex education we provide to women. Women falsely believe that female sexual desire perceives sexual activity when in actuality, it is sexual activity that prompts sexual interest and desire
There are all kinds of health and beauty benefits that sex has for a woman – a youthful glow, better sleep, wrinkle-free skin… There is also another device that will increase anybody’s sexual desire, apparently, and that happens to be the Mercedes Benz 4matic convertible SL and it comes in 64 colors.
But if that doesn’t do it, the desire to have a baby will rev up any woman’s sex drive. The problem is having that baby is likely to kill it along with any marital errata sysm a couple may have had. Because a lot of people believe that motherhood and being sexual is incongruous
People who live in sexless marriages report feeling frustrated, unloved, undesirable, unattractive and the worst of all, lonely. And loneliness has been shown to increase vascular resistance and elevate blood pressure, leading to an early death. You’re more likely to die from loneliness than you are from obesity or excessive alcohol consumption
Here’s another quick fact – Most men in sexless marriages cheat to remain in that marriage. Women, on the other hand, cheat to leave the marriage. And technology hasn’t made this any easier for anyone. Historically, marriage was not based on mutual love but rather it was an institution to acquire all things in-laws property, and physical labor. But at the turn of the 20th century Hollywood movies burdened marriages with promising romantic love, and now we’re living together, forever. Congratulations, you get to have sex with the same person for the rest of your life
Another common question I get from readers is when to end sex. Well, the simple answer is, Never. As long as you’re both healthy, you can have a great sex life well into your 80s and 90s. Sex is good for you, sex is healthy. Yet, it’s also shrouded in shame in the ancient aristocracies, and in recent years, technology is fast replacing human connection at high speed.
So how do you rev up a sexless marriage? Work on yourself first. Exercise every day to increase your agility. It also helps to treat erectile dysfunction. Again, pay more attention to your spouse than you do your smartphone. Spend more time in your bedrooms than you do your boardrooms or your bedrooms are going to become boardrooms. Deal with your marital issues, go to sleep in the same bed at the same time and don’t bring anything or anyone into your marriage except for a great sex toy (if you have to).
Establish guidelines that govern those moments when you are struck by someone’s attractiveness outside of your marriage. And don’t think for a second that you have to have sex with the same person for the rest of your life, at least not in your mind. Obviously, I’m not asking you to cheat. Just keep in mind that your brain is your largest sex organ, so be as sexually imaginative as you can
Now, I’ll leave you off with one last bang… Settle all marital arguments in the bedroom, naked