I have spent close to three years of my life in serious relationships, and I mean saying I love you, spending way too much money on Valentine’s Day, and of course heartbreaks. When someone becomes a huge part of your life, letting them go is always rough
I’ve been on both sides of a break up – I have done the dumping and I’ve been dumped. Truth is, there’s no perfect way for a relationship to end. And neither side is an easy side to be on… But I definitely think that being broken up with is the worst of the two.
Because usually when you get dumped by someone you love, it feels unexpected… and like the other person has an easier time letting go than you. And just to be clear here, that’s usually not the case
One of the most common requests I get for articles from readers is about breakups… either how to do it, when to end it etc. And while I can’t say I speak for every single guy out there, I’ve had my experiences with it, talked to my friends about it, and today, I’m going to try and explain what’s usually going through a guy’s head when he is breaking up with you
For me personally, when I think of the last breakup I had, I wasn’t sure if that’s what I wanted. Because the girl I was seeing was great – she was fun to be around, she was super pretty, all my friends loved her etc. At a glance, there wasn’t really any reason I would ever want to break up. But deep down, I guess I had started feeling trapped
We had been dating for almost nine months, and it was really starting to get serious, which, I guess, is something I hadn’t realized I wasn’t ready for. She had anxiety and depression, and it started becoming my responsibility to make her feel better. But at the same time, I was having some of those issues myself, and it felt like I went from being responsible for my own happiness to being responsible for two. With time, it got overwhelming, to say the least
I didn’t know how to handle it, and so I started considering the possibility of breaking up, so we could both take time to work on our own issues. And while I wasn’t exactly confident that it was the right thing to do, it was just something I often found myself thinking about.
I thought that maybe I was just being impulsive and that all these problems were just in the short term. But as time when by. I began to realize that they probably weren’t going to go away any time soon. If anything, they were getting worse for both of us. So I thought we needed a change – a breakup
I’m not saying my line of reasoning was right or wrong – I think those are just subjective opinions. I guess you could say I was having a quarter-life crisis. A relationship that I thought was progressing a little faster than I was comfortable with started to feel overwhelming. And after a couple of months of trying to make it work, I realized I couldn’t. And so I ended things.
Personally, I feel like I’m great at being single. I’ve spent the vast majority of my life being single, and I really enjoy it. And it’s not because I’m always trying to hook up or anything… I just don’t have to think of somebody else all the time, and I guess I’m very comfortable with that.
Being in a long-term relationship slowly starts to feel more like an ‘us’ than a ‘me’. And I know that sounds selfish, but if you’re to open up to somebody completely, the least you can do is be a little selfish with yourself.
For a lot of people in their twenties, a relationship could turn into moving in together – you know, getting married, having kids, settling down etc. I have friends in their early twenties who have gotten married this year, and that is honestly crazy to me
If you’re not sure that the person you’re dating is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, is there even a point or you’re just wasting your time? So is that the reason guys are always dumping girls? The realization that they are not ready to settle yet? Well, for me I’d have to say no. But for a lot of guys in their twenties, it’s definitely a problem.
While I can’t really tell you why you got dumped by your last boyfriend, I can tell you this much… All of the reasons that a guy breaks up with you is because from his perspective, what he wants and what you want are two different things.
And it’s really easy to assume that it’s for a shallow reason like maybe he’s cheating on you, or maybe he just wants to hook up with other people, or maybe something you did pushed him away, and the list goes on. The truth is, as human beings, we look for easy answers for things that we have no control over.
But maybe it’s entirely something that he’s going through – maybe from his perspective, had you guys met at a different time and place, things could have worked out. But in reality, you can spend all day speculating about what really happened, but it’s not going to get you anywhere. At the end of the day, having an end to anything generally sucks. The least you can do is learn something from the breakup and move forward