Ever had one of those so-good-your-neighbors-hate-you sex moments that leave you thinking to yourself, “Wow! I am good!” I did once. To be honest, I never even knew my body could bend in certain ways. But that’s the good thing about sex – the possibilities are endless.
Sadly, not many get to explore the many options available in the bedroom (let’s save the kitchen for later). Research shows that most sexually active people don’t get much out of sex, and the sex positions they use are part of the problem. According to Dorian Solot, co-author of I (Heart) Female Orgasm, trying too hard in bed is largely to blame for dissatisfying sex. “Trying to accomplish complicated acrobatics distracts you from the sex itself, putting your focus on how you can contort yourself, rather than on just experiencing the sensations,” she explains.
Before we work our way down the list of female sweet spots, I should amend a common myth about erogenous zones and foreplay. Most people associate erogenous zones with places to kiss or caress, but it’s not always so cut and dry. At no time should only engage erogenous zones for the purposes of foreplay. As a matter of practice, you should familiarize yourself with your partner’s erotic spots to keep things interesting. Every once in a while, it’s a great idea to just tantalize for the sake of pleasure and not as a preview to sex. The whole idea is to keep your relationship unpredictable. When things become routine, interests start to wax and wane. Wax is bad enough, but waning? Real bad.
These zones are not supposed to be methodically played with in a certain order like some ritual behavior. My biggest pet peeve involves people who treat foreplay like a recipe: Kiss ears twice, caress nipples once, and open the safe… wrong! It’s crucial that you always change directions and try to avoid doing things the same way. Erogenous zones act like receptors for more passionate behavior, but you must tease and skim the surface or it just becomes overkill.
Anyhoo, for those taking notes, let’s start with the female erogenous zones and talk about what works best.
Not just any part of the neck, but the BACK of the neck. Starting in the hollow part behind her ear, try to just barely brush the surface of her skin with your breath before initiating light contact. The goal is to try to keep the touch light enough to be noticed, but not so light that it starts to tickle. Kissing is always a plus, but remember to measure her state of euphoria based on how deep she is breathing.
Breasts are, perhaps, a bit obvious, so I’ll go straight to the approach. Try to avoid going immediately to the nipples. The whole breast area is sensitive from the bottom of the neck, so start nibbling or touching her collarbone. Start by making small circles and gradually spread them out until you cup your hand gently under her breasts. The nipples should be your eventual destination, not the first.
Not the entire rib cage, but the area closer to the breasts. Press gently and follow the lines of her ribs towards her breasts, then stop short at her actual breasts. You can use your tongue, fingers, or even the tip of your nose. If you want to add a little spice, try the tip of a feather or a Q-tip! Use your imagination (I know you’ve got one).
This is another one of those love/hate zones. Find out if this tickles her fancy before you try it. If she’s into it, use anything from your tongue to a strawberry. Don’t make me explain the fruit… Back of the
Women know enough to put perfume back here so make sure you take the time to notice. It’s also a very ticklish spot for some, so you would do better to kiss her gently and work her way to the inside of her thighs
Speaking of inner thighs, this may sound quite obvious, but don’t just use her thighs as an expressway to her genitals. Spend some serious time caressing the inside of her legs and tease her by stopping just short of the mark. The thighs are one of your best choices for massage oils or lotions.
I hear toe-sucking goes over big for some, but I was amazed to find out how many haven’t tried this. I guess it goes without saying that practicing good hygiene is crucial before trying this. If you want to start slow, caress her toes while giving her a foot massage and work between. I don’t know any woman who would turn down a foot massage, so your chances of playing footsie look pretty good!
This is always a successful yet natural point to begin. Why? Because conversation is always the best way to initiate closer contact. Try lowering the volume enough to necessitate closer proximity. Rather than starting with kisses to the ear, whisper close enough to almost brush your lips against her ear, but stop short of contact and allow her to feel your warm breath against her skin. After you feel the small pocket of warmth, then brush the tip of your nose against her ear while gently kissing her neck.
I know what you’re thinking, “Duh! Kissing is always a great way to initiate intimacy, so tell us something we don’t know!” It’s not always about being lip to lip. Try tracing the fullest part of her mouth with the tip of your finger or your nose. Try whispering while you guide her eyelids shut with your lips as well. Thank me later.
I’m always surprised at the number of women who don’t know about male nipple sensitivity. You can make small circles around the nipples with everything from your tongue to a small feather. Because they are sensitive; don’t twist or pull. Don’t concentrate for too long or you’ll diminish the effect.
This is often overlooked so before you forget, try running the back of your fingertips along the curvature of her armpit. Again, you don’t always have to approach these zones with your lips. This area can be slightly tricky because some people are so incredibly ticklish that you’ll break the mood by inducing spastic aversion retaliation which usually ends in hysterical laughing rather than…well…you know right?
Hugely overlooked! This is one of those areas that gets an immediate response, especially from men. But I’m not suggesting that you just grab a handful and squeeze either. Try to work your way down by massaging her back muscles. If she’s laying over your lap, incorporate the same “kneading” technique you would use if you were making bread. I could throw in a “rising” joke but that would be too obvious.
This goes without saying, but rather than just going for broke, it’s important to spend time in the general vicinity. Depending on what the situation calls for, use your lips or your hands and try one of the non-response activities. For those of you who missed, the non-response activity requires that she simply closes her eyes and just concentrates on the sensations you provide. Verbalize what feels good and don’t approach it with any expectations. Remember the more relaxed you are and the slower you go, the more enhanced your experience will be.
Please establish the tickle factor with your partner! Some people have violently ticklish feet so avoid this if your partner is one of them. If it’s okay, proceed to rub the bottom of her feet in small circular motions. Use a firmer grip on the feet than other areas because if you handle them too lightly, you’ll wind up in the tickle land again.