Remember the golden old days when we actually believed our parents when they told us that babies come from the market? Back when we were so innocent to envision two naked people, in bed, alone, just doing stuff together. Those were the days when kissing sounded too gross and sex was basically anything that involved touching, like hugs and pecks. And the Boss Baby movie? Yeah, that was something else.
“Some cruel kid on the bus asked me if I knew what sex was, and I said it’s when you pee in a girl. I was made fun of for weeks.”- rro99
We’ve all fallen victims of sketchy misconceptions about sex at some point in life, all thanks to futile sex Ed classes, lies from peers and of course, the internet. For as long as I can remember, I used to think that sex happened through the belly button. And how did the belly button open? By twisting the nipples of course. Wa-lah! I was only six.
Here are some of the craziest ideas we all probably had about sex when growing up.
People only have sex at night
This is a big one. In fact, almost everybody still relates sex with darkness to date. Think of it as a good way to end a long crappy day. Almost all kids, and apparently first-timers, believe that sex only happens at night, with the lights off.
“Not exactly sexual, But I always used to think that when you got married, you didn’t do anything to have a baby. You’d just kiss, say I do and BAM. Somehow a baby would just appear in your arms and you’re a happy little family.”- jlsfsxx
The sex of the baby depends on the direction the couple is facing during sex
I blame this on How I Met your Mother. If a couple does it while facing west, the child will be a boy. If they do it facing east, it’s a girl. Or is it the other way around? What about if they do it in the center, will it be twins, a boy, and a girl? I’m not sure. Nonetheless, it’s a hysterically inaccurate belief. Some people also believed that the sex of the baby depends on whoever tries hardest in bed. If this were true, some families would really have a hard time paying all that dowry.
“As a kid, I thought that when you ejaculate one of your testicles goes through the penis, and into the woman. And that’s how they get pregnant.
I had no idea if they grow back or something, don’t think that thought ever crossed my mind.” – JBVsev
Sex in the shower is romantic
Ok, there might be some truth in this one. But let’s face it. The girl gets to enjoy all the hot water alone, while the guy, who is usually standing behind, only ends up all soaked up in soap. But hey, soap is slimy, and slimy is sexy if you know what I mean. So maybe we were not entirely wrong about this one
The issue of twins is really confusing to kids. It was either a couple having sex twice in one night or a baby being too huge to come directly come out of a woman. So the woman had to take certain pills to split the baby into two. Talk about torn between the two.
Having sex with a pregnant woman will kill the baby
We have all fallen for this one, at least once. For the record, I still think it’s possible to poke the baby when having sex with a pregnant woman. I mean, sure there are all those contracted muscles in the cervix but, don’t you think that there’s a slight possibility of jabbing the poor infant with your stuff? Security gets bypassed all the time.
Sex involves the guy peeing into the woman
I know this is pretty extreme for kids but, you’d be surprised by how wild young boys‘ thoughts are.
“Until I was ~10 I was afraid to pee in pools because I thought that semen and urine were the same thing, and I was afraid that if a girl swam through my pee she would get pregnant. I now know that there are so many things wrong with these thought processes, but hey, I was young.”- Enect
Growing up in a boys-only boarding school meant discussing all kinds of stuff on Saturday afternoons. This is where the adolescent ‘cool’ boys and the know-it-alls got to prove their ‘knowledge’ about girls. And yes, we were stupid enough to believe these lies.
“Because of the following facts:
–sex is called “sleeping together”
–in movies and on TV, sex is often portrayed as happening at night
–they often don’t show the actual sex, but just imply it
–sex education emphasized that sex is a natural and instinctive process that just “feels” right
Because of all this, I had the idea that sex happened in a dreamlike, not-quite-conscious state, like sleepwalking.
Only later did it gradually dawn on me that no, you’re totally awake and aware during sex, and you’re “deciding” what to do, just like going shopping or something.”- skullturf