Men Describe Their Creepiest Experiences with Women and it’s Hilarious

The world is full of crazy people, and while you should never call any woman nuts, some girls will unfold your origami crane and creep the hell out of you. But seriously, never call any woman nuts. They don’t like that. After digging around the internet for hours, I finally landed on this Subreddit where guys from all over were sharing some of their creepiest experiences with women. I should warn you, some of these stories will really give you the chills.

Adddicus

“So, many years ago, when I was in the Navy, my ship was hitting a port down south, either Savannah, Georgia or Charleston, South Carolina. We were only there for a couple days, and I had liberty the first night and hooked up with a really nice looking southern blonde. She was just as sweet as could be, had an awesome body and was enthusiastic in the sack.

After our night together she wanted to hang out again the next day. I told her I was on duty the next day and would be unable to leave the ship, and that we pulled out the following morning. She seemed kind of bummed by this, but betrayed no great emotion.

The next day I get paged to the quarterdeck (where everyone boarding or leaving the ship has to pass) when I was on watch down in the engine room. I called the quarterdeck and told them I could not leave my post. The told her the same. She demanded I come up. Couldn’t do it. She demanded to speak to me. She wasn’t allowed, can’t tie up the ship’s internal phone system with personal crap. So she leaves.

Later that night, she comes back. This time I’m not on watch, so I go up to the quarterdeck to see her. She pulls a butcher’s knife out of her purse and chases me around the deck. Fortunately I was young and nimble so I was able to elude her. Unfortunately for her, she ran by the Petty Officer of the Watch, who was armed with an M-14 and he gave her a buttstroke to the forehead and laid her out cold.

She was arrested by the local authorities, I had to give a statement to the police, and we pulled out of there the next morning and I never heard about or from her again. Crazy, but damn she was cute.”

Related: Send Nudes: How to Ask Her Without Sounding Like a Total Creep

Tallm

“First date ended up back at my place. I thought that was a good sign until she goes into the bathroom and does some coke, comes out talking non-stop. She sits next to me on the couch and spills her purse out on my lap, with condoms falling out. I take this as a subtle sign and make a move. She gets angry and starts leaving. On the way out she turns back to me and says, “It’s better this way because you would’ve woken up underneath that couch with duct tape on your mouth and hands.””

Real Justin

“I had a very young looking girl ask me how big my dick was after only a little bit of conversing. I was caught off guard to say the least. I told her average. She said “Well that’s what all guys say, I want an actual measurement!” So I asked her what she thought the average was, her response was “7 or 8 inches.” Then I asked how old she was… 15. I laughed hard and noped fast.”

Holyhome

“Hooked up with a girl in a club and we drove to her place. There was also another couple that was visiting her and they slept in the living room. We went to bed and stuff got weird from there. She said beforehand that there’s gonna be no sex which was fine by me because it was really late and I was tired.

So we’re getting to sleep and she started to make strange noises with her tongue. Ok that’s interesting so i turned my back to her and fell asleep. I don’t know when it happened but i woke up shortly after hearing that she came back into the room. I didn’t see her because my face is turned to the other side of the room.

Suddenly I hear her pissing on the floor! I didn’t dare to turn around and just lied there and waited. When she was finished i noticed that she lied down on the bed. So i slowly turned around and saw her completely naked lying at the end of the bed.

That was enough for me so i packed my things and left. Her friend was awake and saw the urine all over the floor and i asked her if that happened before and she said no.

So yeah that was kind of creepy.”

Bellskione

“Okay. Keep in mind this happened when I was only 14.

I dated a girl. Didn’t want to date her anymore so she started making up all these crazy stories about how her ex-boyfriend was gang affiliated and was going to come and kill me. She even got some guy to ring me up and pretend to be him.

Then she pretended she committed suicide. She sent me a suicide note/text message when she knew I was asleep then blocked all contact from me for like 2 days so I couldn’t tell if she’d actually done it or not. That really messed me up.

Then she pretended she was pregnant and said she was going to keep the baby. She then magically got an abortion pill a few days later even though she was too young to get one without her parents taking her.

That shit gave me crippling anxiety and depression for a good few years.”

Random2578

“I dated a girl about three years ago who had a thing for fat. Not fat guys, but fat on guys.

I was in pretty good shape when we started dating; about 175, visible abs (not quite a six-pack, but pretty good for never working out.) I wasn’t a fitness buff or anything, but I like a lot of outdoor activities, and I don’t really eat fast food. But dating this girl was like having your own personal gourmet chef. She could make a four course meal fit for Julia Child with one hand tied behind her back.

We met at a friend’s party, and I didn’t date her for the food, there were other cool things about her. But man, I still miss that food sometimes.

About four months in, I’m feeling pretty good about this. I’ve put on about twenty pounds, but I don’t really care that much. The relationship is so good, I’m starting to think we could go all the way. It was around this time she let slip how much more attractive she thought I was with the weight, and that she kinda had a fat fetish.

This should have been a big warning sign, but at the time I thought “Hell, why not.” She was still a pretty awesome girl, and I could rock the chubby look.

Over the next five months, though, it started getting really weirdly intense. She started feeding me at basically every opportunity; throughout the day, watching tv, in bed. She even wanted to do it during sex, but I honestly couldn’t handle that. I was starting to get pretty big too, pushing 230. Still didn’t care that much about the weight, but I was getting more and more uncomfortable with the situation.

The final straw was waking up one night to her playing and (I kid you not) making out with my gut.

I was outta the house that night.

Last I heard, she was with some 50 year old guy built like a sumo wrestler.”

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